Temptation....
All That Glitters
Fabric collage,
encaustic wax
24 x 30 in
“And the Lord said unto Satan, From whence comest thou? And Satan answered the Lord, and said, From going to and fro in the earth, and from walking up and down in it. “ Job 2:2
All that glitters was irresistible. Frantically, I climbed the corporate ladder, hungering for wealth and esteem. The pursuit once the game now became the end-goal. Drained and disillusioned, I now seek new perspective. I cannot fault my temptations, for they are lifeless, powerless, neutral. When I animate them, clothe them in fools-gold, invite them to extract their light from me and substitute them for human and spiritual relationships, only then am I confined to darkness.
The Lost
Fabric collage,
stitching
“Lost in a haunted wood, children afraid of the night who have never been happy or good.” From “September 1, 1939” by W. H. Auden
My view into the future begins to shorten and I spend more time reflecting on the past and decisions that have shaped my life. How often have I failed to follow the road less traveled, the path that my Lord had lovingly stretched out before me. Inside me still is the child, disappointed, deserted, damaged. Now, I stand lost in a wilderness; now, I stand lost among the crowds, wondering if the door to life that lay behind me is still open.
Lost Are We
Fabric collage, stitching
encaustic wax
24 x 36 in
“Lost are we, but only so far punished, that without hope we live on in desire.” Dante Aligieri’s Divine Comedy, Canto IV
Thoughts sequestered against discovery, senses and synapses alerted, from the corners of my mind I search for the corridor of release from my entrapment. My pain disguised with words of appeasement and false smiles, I cover myself with garments of deception. Oh when, oh how can I fly away, and at last collapse into the arms of safe harbor and love?
Insomnia
Fabric collage with
encaustic wax
24 x 36 in
“When I lie down, I say, When shall I arise, and the night be gone? And I am full of tossings to and fro to the dawning of the day.” Job 7:4
As a child, insomnia was my nightly companion. Adrenaline flooded my small body, and recurrent memories replayed themselves chaotically on my mindscreen. tossing and turning, I beat my pillow into a thousand shapes, none a cradle of comfort. Open-eyed, I watched light images wax and wane on the ceiling. Angry words drifted up the staircase, and into my memory bank. Unheard were the all too quiet words of resolution. Thus are a child’s thought-patterns malnourished and misshapen. Today, sleep comes easily, and I well know that I am loved. But did I ever pray for sleep as a child? Pray for love?
Visions and Dreams
Fabric collage, stitching
18 x 36 in
“...then you frighten me with dreams and terrify me with visions.” Job 7:14
I can still replay some dreams I had as a child; floating, being pursued, and a house fire were common elements. Yet, despite minor anxieties, I had a remarkably safe childhood, one virtually untouched even by a war. Thus, I can only guess at the experiences of those returning from battle, or who have suffered abuse and other traumatizing experiences. I understand how, trapped in the confines of such images, one might flee life, escape into sleep, only to re-confront those images, and waken again with the resolve to live a life of isolation in the shadows--a life that needs both loving human, and spiritual intervention to resolve its destructive cycle of existence.
Turbulence
Fabric collage,
stitching
26 x 22 in
“Terrors overtake him like a flood; in the night a whirlwind carries him off.” Job 27:20
Why is change the only constant in my life? Trapped in the vortex, overwhelmed by a maelstrom of loss, hurts, and fears for my future, how can I cope, escape from my anxieties, my compulsions, my phobias? In a panic, my heart races, I cannot breathe, I feel death near me. I reach for a lifeline of trust, willing to believe that this flooding terror is not real, but just an emotional response to deceptions that I have given power over me. Oh, open my eyes to these lies, let in Your truth, and let the floodwaters recede.
